Back to School

How am I going to leave this sweet, chunky baby boy??

It's time. Tomorrow starts my first day back to work. I am not going to lie - I have been crying all. day. long. All day. Just bursting out in tears randomly. If you know me, you know that I'm not really a crier...like, ever. So, I hate even admitting that I've been crying actual tears all day. But hey, this is my sweet baby that I have to leave. I know I've said it before, but I would give anything to be a stay at home mama. Some day...just not now. I knew it would be hard to go back to work, but I never thought it would be this hard. I don't really even know how to put the struggle into words. It's just...hard.

During this last week, I've spent every waking second that I have with my little man. Extra cuddles, extra hugs, extra kisses, extra snuggles, extra everything. I can't get enough of him. It's crazy how much you can love one little person. He's my whole world! I've had 4 solid months with him and I couldn't be more blessed! This last week I was still in denial about going back to work, but it's starting to get to me. I try not to think about it!

We spent Sunday as a pretty relaxed day. Dayton slept in, we went to church, grocery shopping, naps, lunch, food prep, and lots and lots of cuddle time. Almost every time I picked him up or looked at his smiley little face, the water works started. I am pathetic! but there is nothing in me that wants to go back to work. And I used to looove my job!

I know I will bawl in the morning when I drop him off, all the way until I get to work, and throughout the day. I know I will cry Tuesday morning, Wednesday morning, Thursday morning, and hopefully/maybe Friday I won't. We'll see. I'm not making any promises. All I can say is I am SO glad that I work with these amazing ladies. They're keeping my sane. They get it. Here goes nothing!

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Dear Dayton,
   Oh my sweet baby boy. It is time for me to go back to work. The school year is starting and it is time for you to make some new friends at daycare. We have had four months together full of kisses, cuddles, naps, diapers, smiles, food, laughs, play time, and plenty of sweet memories. 
   First of all, mama wants you to know how much I love you. I thought I knew what love was, but the moment I saw you I got it. I understood that the love a parent feels for their child is endless. You are the most beautiful baby I have ever seen and I want to spend every second of my day with you. I love your smiles, your cries, your happy, your sad, your fingers, your toes, your outside, and your inside. You are my baby and you are my whole world.I love you to the moon and back!
   I also want you to know why mama works. For you baby boy. Part of being a parent is being responsible. Right now, I have 1 more year until I get my Standard teaching license in Iowa. I have to have that baby boy before I stay home with you. Daddy and I work very hard so that we can provide you (and us) with all the things we need plus some. We are so blessed to live in a nice house, drive nice, reliable cars, go on vacations and adventures, and have a few extra nice things. We enjoy the lifestyle that we live and mama and daddy are working hard so that we can keep that for you. We want you to experience and try lots of things as you grow up. We want to give you the world little man.
   My sweet baby, you will have fun at daycare. We love your daycare provider, Miss Karyn, and I know that you will have so much fun making friends and playing with the other kiddos. I know that even though you may get sick more, being around other babies and kids is the best thing I can do for your development. I just wish I could be there to watch you grow each and every day! You will sing, laugh, play, eat, and dance with Miss Karyn. She already loves you so much!
   DayDay, your mama already does and will think about you every second of the day. I hope you know how much I will miss you throughout the day and I will leave work with a big smile on my face because I get to pick up your sweet smiling face! Just know that I will appreciate and look forward to our nights and weekends more than ever. Those will be our special times.
   I love you baby boy. I love you more than anything in the world. Even though it breaks my heart to go back to work, I know it is the best choice for you, me, and our little family right now. I love you to the moon and back!

Lots of love, hugs, and kisses,
Mama