C-Section Blues

It's no secret that I really wanted to have a natural birth - non-medicated. I've always felt like having a natural birth was kind of a right of passage into motherhood. I was looking forward to it and preparing for it and so was my husband. We both agreed it would be a kind of "spiritual" experience and were excited about the birth of our son.

All of that changed when I went to my 37 week appointment and found out that we would have to have a kind of emergency c-section due to the fact that my amniotic fluid was dangerously low and the baby was breech. I had noticed a decrease in movement, so my Doctors were very concerned about our baby. Long story short...I had a c-section. (If you want to read Dayton's full birth story, click here.)

I remember sitting in the triage room and trying to process what my Doctor had just told me. I was going to have to have a c-section. Thankfully, I had a good relationship with this doctor and she knew I had really wanted a non-medicated natural birth. She told me that she knew that and she could try to flip the baby, but didn't think she would be successful. She also promised to make my incision as small as possible and make it so that my 2nd baby could be a natural birth. I just sat there with a blank look on my face - my thoughts were blank as well - and just stared at her. No! I didn't want a c-section...I wanted a natural birth. I wanted to experience everything. But that didn't matter...the health and safety of our baby mattered. I said, "Okay" and then everything happened so quickly.

It took me a few days to process what had happened. I was so disappointed. Of course I was happy and so thankful that our baby was healthy and safe. Of course. This was just another way that God was teaching me that I am not in control. He is. He had his hands of protection on me and our baby and for that I am so thankful. However, I found that having a c-section was disappointing for me and it was something I kind of had to grieve over. I had pictured the birth of our son so differently and our birth plan went basically opposite of "the plan." Like I said, God was yet again teaching me to trust Him and His plan...not ours.

Tuesday night, before the surgery I was texting my cousin-in-law Amy. I had let her and her husband know that we were having Dayton that night. I felt free to discuss my feelings with Amy because we had spoken often about having a natural birth as well as the fact that her birth plan did not go as planned as well - her sweet baby boy was born at 24 weeks. While I was talking to Amy before my surgery, she told me that is was okay to be disappointed. It was okay to be upset. She told me that that night I had to focus on my baby and I could grieve over the change in plans later. It was the perfect thing to say at the perfect time. She knew exactly how I was feeling and she knew exactly what to say. Thank you Amy!!

Friday morning, I finally broke down. I was sitting at the kitchen table, holding our beautiful baby, and was talking to Brad. I had been holding in all of those emotions (pretty typical for me) and finally let them out. Thank the Lord my husband is who he is. He also understood how I felt and walked me though my "grieving" process. I love that man. He knew how I felt and in his own way, felt the same way. We processed those emotions and feelings together. After I talked to him, I felt much better and moved on with loving my little man and enjoying every second of the extra 19 days we got with him.

All that being said...10 things you shouldn't say to a mom who just had a c-section. Some are kind of funny and some are serious. A few are my own and a few are borrowed. I understand some people are just trying to make you feel better...but it would be better if you just left some things unsaid!

1. "C-section babies are prettier." ~ Maybe, but all babies are a miracle and that doesn't make me/us feel any better.
2.  "Your body will bounce back so much faster." ~ My stomach was cut open and a baby was pulled out of it. Yes, downstairs did not sustain any trauma, but my stomach was still sliced open. Try coughing, sneezing, or laughing after that. Eek!
3. "At least he doesn't have a cone head." ~ Again...still doesn't make me feel better!
4. "You're so lucky. I tore, but I would rather have a c-section." ~ Please refer to #2.
5. "At least you and baby are happy and healthy." ~ Yes, we are happy and healthy, but it still hurts I didn't get to have a natural birth.
6. "Just get over it already." ~ Blank stare.
7. " I hope I have a c-section." ~ There is nothing glamorous about having your stomach sliced open.
8. "I had a c-section and I loved it." ~ That's nice.
9. "You got the easy way out." ~ No comment. This is when I picture punching something...maybe you...in the face. Just sayin'.
10. "Don't you regret not having a natural birth?" ~ Really people? Really. That is just a dumb question.

Honestly, at this point I am doing just fine and have come to terms with having a c-section. I am so thankful that my baby is happy, safe, and healthy and I honestly am doing just fine healing. In fact, I am planning on getting back into the gym this week! I don't dwell on anything too long, but these were and are my real feelings. I hope and pray that Baby #2 will not have any complications and I can experience a natural birth!