Keeping Your Vow, Week 1

photo by GetzCreative from our wedding on 08.18.12

During May, our church did a series called Keeping Your Vow. It was a three week series and it was really, really good! The series gave easy, practical advice that you can start using right away and is worth watching for everyone. We loved it!

Listening to the series made me stop and reflect on our marriage. We've been married almost three years now. I know that doesn't sound like a long time, but we have already been through so much - ups and downs, job loss, a move, starting a new life in a new place, leaving home, new jobs, major job changes, crazy exes (on both sides), first year of marriage changes, infertility, first year of baby, and all of the every day issues that any marriage goes through. As I sat here writing all of those things down, it made me happy that those aren't the things I think of when I reflect on my marriage. They are the things that God has used to make our marriage strong. We have a good marriage. I know that only comes from God and I am so, so thankful for it.

While we were dating, Brad and I both made the decision to dedicate our relationship to God. We knew that if each of us drew closer to God on our own by putting God first then we would draw closer to each other. This has proved true in everything that we do. The closer we are to God, the closer we are to each other. Watching some of my closest friends and family go through a divorce is so hard and it makes me even more thankful for the relationship that we have. I pray each day that God will protect and preserve our marriage.

I did take some notes throughout the series and I wanted to share them here, along with the videos from the sermon series. I encourage everyone in a relationship - happy or hurting - to watch this series. I promise, you won't regret it!

Click on the message title to view the message! You can find my notes and the message on week two (here) and week three (here).

Message 1 - Fight Fair

What is marriage?

• Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. It is a promise between a man, woman, and God. It is fused together by God. A contract is an agreement based on mutual distrust.
• Marriage is two becoming one. Marriage is two people who cleave together and become one flesh. Two people are united together as one. Two people united spiritually, emotionally, and physically. 
• Marriage is a picture of the gospel. We are far worse than we know, but God's grace covers us. Our love should demonstrate the love of God. 

Healthy couples fight for fair for understanding. Unhealthy couples fight dirty to win. 

• We're all sinners. You married a sinner.
• You can get bitter or you can get better.
• We were never taught how to fight fair. 

Ways to Fight Fair:

• Listen carefully - Seek first to understand, then be understood. Sit down. Reflect each other's statements. Listen for unmet expectations. Listen and identify emotions. The greatest gift you can give your spouse is to understand and validate their emotions. 
• Choose words wisely - Be slow to speak (Prov. 21:23). Ask, "Should I say this? Should I say this now?" Never - call names, raise your voice, never threaten, get historical, say never or always, say "divorce," quote your pastor (to prove your point). 
• Manage anger righteously - James 4. Don't go to bed mad. Don't give the devil a foothold. Understand where your (or his/her) anger is coming from, find the underlying emotion. 

God is on our side. He is eager to bless and give strength to your marriage!